Why I chose to trek across India
I was fast approaching the big 40 and was comfortable. Too comfortable in fact. I had let my diet slip, embraced the “dad bod”, enjoyed the good life and took my foot off the gas.
I got complacent. Easily done, I’m sure you would agree. Then one day, as I enjoyed a pint in my local, it suddenly hit me like a sledgehammer to the head.
What had I done with my life?
Out of nowhere, all these insecurities started to appear in my head. I wasn't a famous athlete, actor or musician. I don't drive a Ferrari, own a private jet, or have a yacht moored up in Monaco. Was I destined to exist as a mere average human being? My accomplishments indicated that to be true but my heart and ego had other ideas.
On paper I had done well in life, at least by societal standards. However, the reoccurring thought that kept playing over in my head was - had I raised the bar high enough? In my mind, the answer was a big fat no!
I needed a challenge and a big one at that!
A few months leading up to my 40th birthday I'd had a few personal issues crop up. Stuff I thought I was over - a degree of self-doubt that stemmed from having a breakdown in 2015 and losing everything - business, home, wealth, fiancé, and very nearly my life. As someone who has always considered himself to be the epitome of an Alpha Male the experience was soul-destroying and made me question my masculinity.
In the weeks, months and years that preceded my downfall, I’d undergone some deep internal work. Countless hours of expensive therapy and a number of plant-based medicine ceremonies (Ayahuasca, DMT, Psilocybin). I gained great insight, clarity and a much clearer perspective enabling me to successfully rebuild my life.
At least I thought that was the case.
But for some reason as the big 40 neared ever closer, I just couldn't get the negative thoughts out of my head. For the first time in my life, I was worried about getting older. Shit, in ten years I would be fifty. Fifty for fucks sake!
Yet in my mind, I was still a young man. Forty years had flown by and I’m under no illusion that the speed of which time passes, only increases as you get older.
From out of nowhere I started to doubt myself. Had I done enough “manly shit” - owned enough impractical sports cars, been on enough lads holidays, slept with enough woman….you get the picture?
A few days later
Over dinner, and a few glasses of wine I discussed what sort of challenge I should embark on. Tough Mudder, a marathon, or an iron man? Respectfully to those who have accomplished such feats, the fact was, none of them appealed to me. I knew so many people who completed these types fo challenges and me being me, I wanted something unique that only I had done.
Then one night at a DMT ceremony the vision came to me so clearly. The plant medicine had spoken…
I was to walk across the entire length of India.
Not just walk over 2,500 miles but also raise money and awareness for Male suicide prevention along the way. India, after all, was so deeply ingrained in my heart from past travels. I could see myself trekking through remote villages, deserts and jungles much like a special forces operative. In my rose-tinted glasses, I see myself as a cross between Jason Bourne and James Bond
The name’s King - Damian King
Unfortunately, India had other ideas. Even before I had set off, I had to change my route due to a terrorist attack which left over 40 people dead. Within days of setting off, I got caught up in the riots in Kashmir, got robbed in Punjab, and ended up in hospital in Rajasthan and nearly died.
I was walking between 25/30 miles a day with temperatures reaching 50-degrees, plus I was carrying a 20kg backpack. I am man enough to admit that the whole experience nearly broke me mentally and physically. The reality was, I wasn't an endurance athlete, ex-special forces or James Bond. I was a fat bloke from South London who was going through a bit of a mid-life crisis who let his ego and imagination run wild and get the better of him.
Me and my big mouth
The ironic thing was the fact that I embarked on this crazy adventure with a view of raising awareness for mental health and Male suicide prevention. And yet I suffered from severe depression and anxiety throughout the whole time it took me to complete. Once again I found myself in a very dark place. The pressure I was under was immense. In addition to the physical exertion, I was filming the whole expedition for a documentary and had agreed brand deals, corporate sponsorship and not to mention the financial outlay as I had funded the whole trip myself.
But I am one resilient/foolish individual
Fortunately, I lived to tell the tale and I’m now ready to share my experience in the hope it will inspire and encourage people to stop making excuses, step outside their comfort and take massive fucking action with their life.
