ICC Cricket World Cup, the most boring sport in the world; and why I could easily turn pro and keep my day job

Show me a man that says cricket is not the most boring sport on the planet and I’ll show you a boring man.

Look, there is nothing like an armchair critic. Some fat fuck sipping a pint, eating a pasty and telling anyone who will listen how he would have scored that free kick, landed the knockout punch or potted the black for a 147 finish. We all know an armchair critic and I’m sure we’ve all been one at some stage in our life. 

ICC Cricket World Cup, the most boring sport in the world; and why I could easily turn pro and still keep my day job

As someone who has trained in many sports such as MMA, CrossFit, football and rugby, I understand what it takes to give it your all and still fall short of being anywhere near the level to becoming a professional. The sporting prowess of these individuals are on another planet

Try hitting a punch bag for ten minutes and see how you fair. Actually, make that 2 minutes and you’ll be puffing more than Cheech and Chong on a bender  Try sprinting flat out down the wing of a footie pitch and an average guy will be blowing out his arse come the halfway line. 

cheech_chong_damian_king_blog.jpg

Sports like boxing, rugby, football and gymnastics are so much harder than they look.

But cricket...

I played it as a kid and, to be quite frank, I found it as exciting as watching paint dry. Unless of course, you were batting, then it became somewhat more bearable. But, not much! I can only liken it to a bunch of kids sitting round a playstation with only one control pad that some kid is hogging, whilst all the rest of the kids are vying for their turn. 

I just don’t get it

Firstly, I question any sport that takes time out to go for a spot of lunch and a beer. takes 5 days to finish a game and has players standing around on a field doing next to nothing apart from getting sunburnt (excluding the UK obviously). It’s a lot of build up for basically not much in return, in my opinion. The other thing that leaves me somewhat bewildered are the injuries. 

How do you get injured in cricket? 

I'm interested to know. Unless of course you're the bowler who gets hit with a thundering return straight off the bat. But beyond that scenario, I don’t see how cricketers manage to get injured. The person batting has more padding than Tina Turner had shoulder pads back in the 80’s. The wicket keeper has more padding then an NFL quarterback, yet it’s a non contact sport for crying out loud. And, the fielders are like 3 miles away, up the other end of the field. 

I hear from good sources that drugs, particularly amphetamines, are common place amongst umpires which doesn’t surprise me at all. How else are the poor fuckers supposed to stay awake during a game? Freddy Flintoff took to smoking cigarettes to stay awake and Shane Warne took to eating enough food to feed a third world country. 

I fancy my chances at turning pro, even at the ripe old age of 40

Australia’s youth team coming through the ranks

Australia’s youth team coming through the ranks

Some fella throws an over arm ball at you from like two miles away, you’re padded up to the hills and your only objective is to hit the ball. How hard can that be? I wouldn’t mind, but the bowlers target (i.e the wicket) is only fractionally bigger than the batsman bat. 

In fact, I reckon I could turn pro and still keep my day job. I would simply fit my work in between the time it takes for the bowler to bowl one ball to another. Hit the ball for 6, pop off for a quick meeting, make a cup of coffee, catch up on emails, do some photocopying and then nip back just in time for the next ball to be bowled.

Fielding…

And, how hard can that be? Man hits ball, man catches ball. On a bad day, he might have to jog ten feet to catch it. 

Game over, job done…now where’s my contract?

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