Can you Adam and Eve it? I have done stuff in life that sounds unimaginable, almost impossible. But trust me, my friends, my stories of travel and adventure are true. Step foot into the world of exploration and expeditions and my feats seem somewhat less impressive compared to others.
1 - I’m scared of flying
I know, crazy right. I’ve travelled all around the world and been on hundreds of flights. But I absolutely hate flying. And, I don’t just mean the shitty food, the waiting around in the aiprtports or the jet lag. I simply hate flying because it doesn’t seem right that something so big and heavy should be in the air. The noises, the turbulence and the lack of control, just makes me uneasy and nervous. Is that going to stop me from having an adventure of a lifetime? No chance. But, that doesn’t stop me from hating it.
2 - I’ve never stayed in a hostel
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve stayed in my fair share of shitholes over the years, but the thought of having to sleep in a room with a bunch of stinky, inconsiderate, noisy travellers fills me with dread. Whatever floats your boat, I make no judgement, it’s just not for me. Everyone has their non-negotiables and mine is sharing a toilet and a room with others. Don’t judge me!
3 - I’ve stared in a Bollywood movie and pop video
Maybe this won’t come as a surprise for some; what with my boyish good looks, acting prowess and silky dance moves, was it any wonder I was spotted by a casting agent the moment I stepped foot in Mumbai? Let’s just say, the character I played “a policeman”, looked more like something out of the Village People than a Hollywood film. Don’t even get me started on the ‘backing dancer’ costume I wore. I looked like a cross between Backstreet boys, Right Said Fred and Elton John. Rocket Man would have been putting it lightly.
4 - I got more injuries from yoga than from fighting MMA
Am I saying this is common place? Absolutely not! Am I saying there are lots of shoddy yoga teachers in parts of India and Nepal? Absofuckinglutely! India is home to some charlatan yoga teachers. Just because you can put both legs behind your head doesn’t mean us stiff, desk fairing Westerners can do the same. If you’re into yoga, and I mean proper yoga by trained teachers, I’d steer clear of Rishikish.
5 - I stayed in a five star resort without anyone else being there
When passing through Anjuna in Goa, I popped into a 5 star resort for a drink and found it wasn’t actually open. It was complete and fully staffed, they were testing out menus in the restaurant, basically making sure the whole resort was running efficiently for the following year. I got on great with the owner, and he asked if I’d like to stay there to test it out. I explained I had a budget of about £20 so it was unlikely, as his rooms started at £180. He simply smiled and said he’d be honoured to have me as his guest. I stayed for two weeks! Enjoyed the pool, fine food, and 5 star hospitality. I mean, who wouldn’t.