So much time. So much bloody time, to think, contemplate, and give deep rooted reflection on life. I am constantly faced with the reality of living, and yet, at the same time, living the reality.
Every cause and concern, thought and manifestation of why?
Why did I chose this path in life? Why did I chose the career I did, business ventures, friends, lovers? Even minuscule decisions like, why I chose what I did for dinner the previous evening, why, why, bloody why?
To say my adventure in India has turned out somewhat different to how I had planned would be a huge understatement. There have been so many twists and turns that I could never have planned for, and yet also a number of factors that maybe I should have better planned for.
I envisaged myself as a bit of a pied piper on a sacred pilgrimage trekking from village to village, meeting and greeting inquisitive folk likely wondering who the hell was this crazy westerner passing through through their land.
But one thing that has become apparent over these last three and a half months, is that nothing has gone according to plan. Absolutely nothing at all. I first embarked on this crazy adventure laden down with a recording setup any YouTube influencer would have been proud of. Along with enough Apple equipment that put me firmly in the realms of being a Steve Jobs fan boy.
The reality of living, and living the reality...
But, over the course of this adventure, I’ve sadly seen this all but disappear, along with any hope of being the modern day pied piper. Leaving me with...well me.
Just me, myself and I.
Unless you count an an old iPhone 5 with a broken screen, a camera that doesn’t work and no cellphone connection thanks to the incompetence of Airtel.
But what do I do?
Cry with frustration? Done that.
Get pissed off and think the universe is conspiring against me? Yeah, done that as well.
Or think this is a sign that I should accept defeat and fly home? I’d be lying if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind, like a thousand times, and that’s before lunch!
Spending so much time on my own has driven me to despair at times. Sleep deprivation has impacted my mindset in an extremely negative way, causing me to question just about everything that’s possibly questionable. Even the unquestionable!
However, when you question and summarise so many aspects of your life, you're inevitably left with answers. Answers that have been hidden from your conscious domain, buried deep amongst the deluge of crap that we consume on a daily basis; social media, advertisements, our surroundings and environments, and the opinion of others.
Having so much time to think and reflect can be a blessing or a curse depending on how you react to the situation. We all have the choice to sink or swim in tough situations. Do we cry like a bitch or crack on like a true fucking legend?
I’ve done both if I’m being completely honest.
This entire adventure has been like an alternative form of therapy. A kind of reverse therapy. In fact, I might trademark it and start to offer it as a form of Ayurvedic cognitive advancement or some other form of bullshit therapy we Westerners love to buy into. Add some overpriced yoga pants, sitar music and exotic scented joss sticks, along with a OM Shanti Om chant, and I’m on my way to creating my very own movement.
In all seriousness...
I’ve answered so many questions about myself since I’ve been out here. It really has been the most intense and gruelling 3 and a half months I’ve ever experienced, and it’s still not over. I thought it would become easier as I neared the end, yet I’ve found the last few weeks some of the hardest. It’s been less of a physical struggle and much more of a mental challenge.
Frustration, boredom, restlessness and the want to return home and start to implement some of the lessons I’ve learnt along the way.
Metaphorically and physically speaking, I’ve been stripped bare, had my arse spanked and been given the opportunity to pursue my goals with a mindset free of self doubt and fear.
- The fear of failure no longer exists, for I can only fail myself
- I’m open to being loved again because I’ve learnt to love myself.
I’ve always said that I feel that my forties is the perfect time to build my legacy. I possess a wealth of knowledge and now I feel as if I’ve done “the work”, the deep rooted internal work, I needed in order for me to pursue my goals...
To design my ideal lifestyle with purpose, passion and intent
To design a lifestyle that truly aligns with my vision and values. My forty years of existence on this earth has provided me with the tools and knowledge, yet something deep rooted was holding me back and stopping me from achieving my goals.
Now, I feel my newfound sense of self worth, and assurance that I’m truly worthy of love and success, has blown the doors of life wide open. I feel the universe is now beckoning me to be who I was truly meant to be, and to lead and inspire others to do the same. To truly be free and live the life I was truly meant to live.
To design my ideal lifestyle and be free